Starting Nursery Can Feel Emotional
Starting nursery is a significant milestone for both children and parents. Your child may feel excited, uncertain or upset, and you may also wonder whether they will settle without you.
As an early-years practitioner with more than 26 years of experience, I have supported many children and families through this transition. Some children settle quickly, while others need more time, reassurance and consistency.
1. Talk About Nursery Positively
Use simple and reassuring language when discussing nursery.
You could say:
“Nursery is where you will play, learn and meet other children. Your teachers will look after you, and I will come back after your session.”
Avoid repeatedly asking your child whether they are scared. Instead, acknowledge their feelings while showing confidence in the nursery routine.
2. Introduce the Routine Before They Start
Young children often feel more secure when they know what will happen next.
Practise parts of the nursery routine at home, such as:
- Getting dressed in the morning
- Carrying their nursery bag
- Putting on their coat
- Saying goodbye
- Eating from a lunchbox
- Tidying away toys
A visual routine can also help your child understand the different stages of their day.
3. Keep Goodbyes Loving but Brief
A long or uncertain goodbye can sometimes make separation more difficult.
Try using the same short goodbye each day:
“I love you. You are safe. Have a lovely time, and I will come back after lunch.”
Give your child a cuddle, say goodbye clearly and allow the nursery practitioner to support them.
Avoid disappearing without saying goodbye because this may make your child feel less secure during future separations.
4. Allow Them to Take a Comfort Item
Ask the nursery whether your child can bring a small comfort item, such as:
- A family photograph
- A small soft toy
- A familiar scarf
- A comfort blanket
Having something familiar can help connect home and nursery.
5. Expect Settling to Take Time
Some children settle within a few days. Others may need several weeks.
Your child may appear happy at nursery but become tired, emotional or clingy at home. This can happen because they have been managing many new experiences during the day.
Offer calm connection, an earlier bedtime and fewer demands while they adjust.
6. Build a Positive Relationship With the Nursery
Share important information with your child’s key person, including:
- Their usual routines
- Words they use
- Comfort strategies
- Favourite activities
- Dietary or medical information
- Any worries or recent changes at home
When parents and practitioners work together, children receive more consistent support.
What to Say When Your Child Cries at Drop-Off
Try saying:
“I can see that you feel sad. It is okay to miss me. Your teacher will look after you, and I will come back after your nursery day.”
Keep your voice calm and confident, even when you feel emotional yourself.
When to Ask for Additional Support
Speak with the nursery if your child:
- Remains extremely distressed for a prolonged period
- Is not beginning to form a relationship with any practitioner
- Stops eating or sleeping for an extended period
- Becomes increasingly anxious rather than gradually more settled
- Shows a significant change in behaviour
The nursery should work with you to review the settling-in arrangements and agree on suitable next steps.
Final Reassurance
Settling into nursery is a process, not a test.
Your child does not have to separate confidently from the first day. With predictable routines, patient adults and consistent reassurance, most children gradually begin to feel safe and comfortable.
Helpful Resource for Starting Nursery
Preparing your child in advance can make nursery routines feel more familiar and predictable.
You can explore my Gentle Steps Studio nursery and school-readiness resources designed to support confidence, communication and independence in young children.